


Smacked by Mercy and Grace

by Luvkyloreylo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Acts of Kindness, Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger Management, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awkward Tension, Bad Decisions, Bars and Pubs, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Charity Auctions, Christmas, Christmas Dinner, Christmas Eve, Christmas Shopping, Christmas Tree, Churches & Cathedrals, Class Differences, Cold Weather, Complicated Relationships, Control Issues, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Dominant Ben Solo, Drunkenness, Exhaustion, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Feel-good, Forehead Touching, Friendship is Magic, Friendship/Love, Gift Giving, God Complex, Grief/Mourning, Guardian Angels, Healing, Heart-to-Heart, Heartache, Homelessness, Hope, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Innocence, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Loneliness, Look At Your Life Look At Your Choices, Loss of Control, Loss of Faith, Love Confessions, Minor Violence, Mistaken Identity, Mistakes, Moral Bankruptcy, Moral Lessons, Mystery, Near Death Experiences, Nice Armitage Hux, Office Party, Older Man/Younger Woman, Original Character(s), Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Poor Life Choices, Poverty, Quilting, Redeemed Ben Solo, References to Depression, Rehabilitation, Relationship(s), Repaying Debt, Returning to the Unknown, Sacrifice, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scrooges, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Self-Medication, Self-Sacrifice, Sensuality, Sentimental, Sexual Content, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Snow and Ice, Soul-Searching, Soup Kitchens, Strangers to Lovers, Stress Relief, Strong Rey (Star Wars), Surprises, Tenderness, Therapy, Touch-Starved, Tree Climbing, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 15,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvkyloreylo/pseuds/Luvkyloreylo
Summary: ————****COMPLETE*****—————Rey hated this walk. It was fucking cold... her toes felt like they’d frozen off. She held the quilt tight, thankful it could be fixed. It was a treasure to her, all she had left of her mother. In her head, Rey calculated how short she was on funds to pay her bills. Her sandwich bag clutched tight, she was so damn hungry. Her budget was ridiculous. Her meager tips tonight were definitely because of the shitty weather. With Christmas coming she hoped she’d get more. Generosity and joy of the season...? She hasn’t seen much. Blocks later she almost tripped over a lump on the edge of an alley near Maz’s Bar. The lump groaned, but nothing else. Rey knelt down. The man was filthy and smelled like a brewery. His cheeks sweaty and red, hands cold. His nice clothes looked torn, dirty, he had a bloodied nose. Goodwill specials maybe. But no coat? Rey sighed. He was worse off than her. She tucked her tip money in his pocket and her sandwich bag at his hands. The quilt laid over him. She smiled. Crackers and mustard for dinner it was. “Merry Christmas...” she whispered.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ben Solo, Armitage Hux & Rey, Ben Solo/Original Female Character(s), Cassian Andor & Ben Solo, Kaydel Ko Connix/Ben Solo, Leia Organa & Ben Solo & Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 161
Kudos: 225





	1. Compassion

Rey stumbled into her tiny apartment.

She felt a pang of loss with her mother’s quilt gone. But, her mother would have done the same. 

After a cold shower she dropped a few crackers onto a plate and squirted mustard on each. She mixed some pink and raspberry koolaid, poured herself a big glass.

She wrapped up in her comforter by the window. She could hear the neighbors playing guitar and singing.

She loved it.

Not having a tv sucked. 

She could examine her options tomorrow... which bills had to be paid and which could wait. 

She sighed. 

In the farthest corner her Charlie Brown looking tree glowed with the lights she snagged for a dollar in a discount bin. Well not really glowing, but she had a vivid imagination. She could pretend they glowed bright. Her few ornaments made it festive. She was blessed.

She was working the soup kitchen at her church on Christmas Eve, maybe that gentleman would find his way there. The shelter was full this time of year, but... if she stumbled upon him again she planned to point it out.

Her pastor always made room, even in his own portion of the church. He was a goodhearted man. Brother Armitage was patient and kind. 

God works through his guardian angels, she hoped the man she helped would find his answers somewhere besides a bottle... when he woke to warmth, food, and a few bucks.

Who was she to judge?

She didn’t know his story...

Rey yawned. 

She opened the oven door and curled up on her floor pallet near it’s warmth. At least the gas wasn’t off yet... She set her alarm clock. Somehow she needed to get her electric bill paid soon. Cold showers were not fun! She couldn’t keep barrowing batteries for her alarm clock from work.

She needed to work a split shift early and late the next day, sleep was very necessary. 

As she closed her tired eyes, she thanked the universe she had this at least and wasn’t outside like he’d been... like so many.


	2. Wicked headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben felt like something died in his dry mouth. Hacking he tried to sit up. Something covered him. His vision swam. “Oh fuck...” he groaned. Rubbing his face. His nose hurt, his stomach was a hurricane, his head pounded. God he stunk... he had a bag in his hand. Curious... he found a sandwich inside. “Hmmm?”

Ben scarfed the sandwich, still sitting on the cold ground. He didn’t trust his feet to stay under him quite yet.

His jacket was torn, he was in a damn alley. He could see he hadn’t made it far from the bar. He somewhat regretted telling the blonde idiot his girlfriend needed a good fucking to get the stick out her ass... well, his sore bleeding nose did.

His wallet was empty. He never carried cash. Just his gold card. No limit... no issues...

But, reaching in his pocket her found $17 that he didn’t remember having. The fabric draped over his lap now looked like an old quilt, so someone didn’t want his drunk ass to die huh? He vaguely thinks maybe he heard a voice in his head... a light ‘Merry Christmas’ in his ear? 

Maybe...

Someone did these... nice things.

He honestly didn’t think people bothered. He never bothered.

He cursed as he tried to raise up on shaky feet. He needed to get home. Take a hot shower. Swallow some Tylenol and scotch... head to the office. But as he did something on the ground caught his attention. 

A bit of plastic.

He grabbed it without falling back over.

”Rey Winters?” He muttered. A license?

Perhaps the person who did this... nice shit? He squinted. Her address was on the poor side of town. She looked... young. 

But... cute-ish?

He stumbled over to his car. Dragging the quilt with him. 

“Shower... fucking hell I reek!” Ben drove carefully to his hotel.

He dreaded the ride up the elevator to his suite. Top floor. Best of the best of course. The Grand Alderaan was his grandfather’s pride and joy. A family of 20 would fit in the suite he lived in. 

Inside, he requested a laundry pickup for his clothes and the quilt. He couldn’t throw it away... it probably saved his life. Not that many would have mourned him... 

After his shower, he dressed and downed 2 cups of coffee before heading to his office. He shot an email to his oncall private investigator to look into this girl. 

Curious.

She could have robbed him...but she gave him things instead. Fucking wierd...

His $26,000 watch was still on his wrist... his gold card... 

Why did she give him her few bucks, a sandwich, and an old quilt? Did the bitch think he was fucking homeless?! He growled at his desk as he shifted through his new emails. His calendar showed a meeting in 2 hours... good. He could avoid Gwen a bit longer.

”here’s your mail sir.” Offered a petrified Kaydel. His timid secretary never hovered long.

He snatched it from her hand. “out!”

She scurried from his sour presence gladly.

He glared at the Christmas cards in his hand mixed in... he hated the holidays. Everyone wanted donations... the stupid Christmas Gala his mother threw every year... 

He slammed his laptop closed. 


	3. Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting droned on for what Ben thought was an eternity... he pictured each board member’s death in multiple ways... varying from drowning to decapitation. The thought of Gwen’s ever immaculate head rolling across the conference table made him smile. His mother pitched her usual encouragement to attend the Christmas Gala and his grandfather reminded his troops at First Order Enterprises to donate to local charities. That all proceeds collected at the gala went to several shelters and the local orphanage. There would also be a clothing drive at Arkanis Church of God and volunteers were still welcome to work their soup kitchen. Ben’s grandmother always worked the soup kitchen around the holidays when she was alive, donated to various causes. Anakin continued these efforts in her memory. Ben figured his Christmas Eve and Christmas morning would be spent unconscious...

Ben narrowed his eyes when Chelsea and Kaydel served the board members coffee and danishes.

It was typical, but he despised the sweetness of the ones they always brought... why not a bear claw? ...a pig in a blanket? ...donut holes? Coffee would have been enough. What are they all fucking 12?!

Kaydel avoided his glare as she skipped him. She knew better.

He almost regretted their brief ...dalliance. It had been admittedly unprofessional and childish. He’d been blinded by his own perilous turmoil after breaking up with Cheyenne and Kaydel had worked late with him far too often then...

In his scotch driven haze, he’d took her on his office floor, purely fucking... no tender kisses or sweet words... that habit had repeated after everyone left for months. 

She’d let him call her his ex’s name and taken every filthy thing he wanted. Other than acting slightly nervous during the day, she’d acted fine. She still did... mostly. 

She got ...attached however.

He had spent one last night with her at his suite, a whole night ...destroying her thoroughly ...then ending it as he coaxed her out the door the following morning. 

She’d cried, called him a bastard... but didn’t quit... didn’t file a complaint... came to work and did her damn job. Never mentioning it again... 

That had been months ago...

He was certain, however, if he requested it... or simply bent her over his desk one night...she’d mewl for him again.

He sighed. 

He really hadn’t been listening much during the meeting.

Cassian hadn’t emailed him back yet about his mystery Good Samaritan. He was... curious.

About who she was really?

Why she had...?

Did she really not recognize him... he was on the news? In the papers? harassed online by many gossip sites?

His family was known by... well everyone here? All over the world? Coruscant was huge, but how would she not?

Had she really thought he was some homeless drunk?

Well... drunk yes. But fuck...! He was worth a shit fuck ton...?

He was wanted by many...?

Did she live under a rock?

Would he be getting blackmailed soon? What would her demands be? No one did anything for nothing ...

December wasn’t his favorite month... but he’d survived Thanksgiving... survived family togetherness, he vaguely recalls...

He shrugged his thought process away as they ended. He sent a few texts before returning to the precious solitude of his massive office.

Rey Winters...?

He finished his report on the current merger he was negotiating before escaping for a liquid lunch. 


	4. Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wiped her brow, double shift days were hard, but work was work... and at least her usual customers were pleasant. She liked working at Rose’s Diner, her bosses were nice and fair. This was her third double shift this week alone, but she needed it.

“Rey!” Finn hollered from the front. “Table 3 left you a $10! Sweet huh!”

Rey smiled. 

Finn was as honest as they come... he never tried to snag her tips when he cleaned off her tables. 

Some busboys had in the past, snuck it before she could claim it and said the customers stiffed her. 

It was shitty, but...

Rey thanked him and pocketed her tip. Today had been good. She could pay the gas bill at least. As long as she had at least a partial source of heat in her apartment...

Now if only she could pay her rent...

She delivered to several tables before greeting a new arrival.

”hello, welcome to Rose’s! We have fresh strawberry cheesecake tonight and fried chicken...” she started to say.

”coffee... black.” He interrupted. 

She was a bit startled, but left him to retrieve it.

”Cass, what the fuck am I doing in this shithole?! Why did you drag me here?!” Ben demanded.

Cassian smirked, “well sir, this is where your little savior works. Your waitress as a matter of fact...”

Ben turned glancing across toward the kitchen. Surely enough, the young face from that bit of plastic was smiling sweetly as she handed a 3 year old boy his fries. 

He turned back to Cassian. “Her...”

”Yes Mr. Solo... her.” He proceeded to show Ben a file. “You asked me a week ago... this is what I found.”

Ben sipped his coffee and then scanned the contents provided.

Rey Winters...

”She is 19, born originally in London... parents moved here after she was born...they died in a alcohol infused car crash... she is an orphan. She bounced from foster home to foster home after being placed at Takodana Orphanage. She sought emancipation for herself at 15 after a rather brutal attack in one final foster home. She is unmarried and has some debt... no children of her own. No criminal record. She volunteers at a local shelter, and as you see ...works here. She has an apartment on Jakku St.” Cassian stated.

Ben nodded. “She has no car... her bank account is negative... she’s behind on her rent ...and her electricity has been turned off a while now? But not her gas? Water? No credit cards?”

”no credit cards or loans... it looks like she stays a month or more behind on her rent typically. Pays just enough to keep her gas on and water, but the electricity gets disconnected often. She’s worked here since she was 16.” Cassian added.

”school?” Ben asked.

”she finished high school... early actually. She was smart, 31 on her ACT. Graduated as a junior. Won her senior Art exhibit scholarship and other competitions, but didn’t pursue college. Faded into oblivion.” Cassian replied. “She really is a nobody sir... I do not think she had any idea who you were... are. She hasn’t reacted to you since we’ve been here.”

Ben watched her moving about the floor. It was almost graceful. 

Balancing her tasks and despite obvious exhaustion, she treated every single person with patience and warmth. It was truly beyond him. With the life she’s had... has... how is she so fucking cheerful and nice?!

Damned if he fucking knew...

His inner monologue was interrupted by her soft tone. “Did you need more coffee sir... maybe some soup? It’s pretty cold out there!”

He stared at her smiling face a solid moment before dismissing her the only way he could. “If I wanted more fucking coffee I’d have called your ass over here!”

She stood in stunned silence before nodding, “my apologies sir, if you do...please let me know, thankyou.” With that calm response she turned on her heel.

Cassian was mute. He goffed at his boss. “That was unexpected... and she just...wow.”

Ben grunted a snide reply. “I already posted your payment as usual. That’s all for now.”

As they stood to leave, Ben hesitated looking over his ticket.

$2.00 for his coffee. 

He really had been an utter ass to her. Really for no other reason than just to be one...

He pulled out his card and walked to the register.

Rose took his ticket. Ran his card. “Alright sir, you can add a tip there if you want. Thankyou and have a great night!”

He thought about his options a moment, then filled in a tip. Signed the slip of paper. “That is the amount I wish to leave... no questions, do not tell her who left it.” 

Rose nodded, but her eyes still bugged out as she scanned the amount.

At closing Rose tallied. 

Rey came up to see if she had any tips from cards for the day, her cash tips had been ok... $57.53, not too shabby. 

When Rose gave her the portion of cards tips Rey thought it was a mistake. “But this is...?”

”yeah, someone left you a $100 tip Rey, I checked with them. Nice huh?!” Rose grinned and finished her duties. 

Rey thought back and wondered who... but no one came to mind.

Her regulars didn’t have extra cash like that... 

The asshole looked shiny, but he’d been a dick! He wouldn’t have...?

”nah...” she replied out loud to herself. 

But... thanked her lucky stars.

She would pay towards her rent and utilities, maybe treat herself to her favorite pizza! 

Rey walked home that night feeling blessed. She didn’t notice the silver jaguar slightly down the road with said asshole in it watching her leave or following her home. 

Ben could not explain why he’d done it, but... he had to see where her apartment was... how far she walked from work to home.

Sure enough, her path passed Maz’s bar where he’d met up with Jeff for drinks and woke up in the alley... where she’d helped him. For seemingly no reason other than kindness.

Ben was perplexed. 

He finally left when he genuinely started to feel like a psycho creepy stalker... 

He read through the file more closely when he got home. He didn’t even realize he skipped his usual scotch before bed. He fell asleep on his couch. Still in his suit. 


	5. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t be sure, but his dreams were a mix of imagining freezing to death and the waitress smacking his face in her shitty diner. He woke up panicked, pulling his $4,000 sheets tighter around him. It was ridiculous... the third night he’d been cursed with some variation of similar images.

“Ben honey, don’t forget to bring a date to the gala... someone better than last year.” As Leia continued, she didn’t acknowledge her son’s fuming scowl. “I’m sorry, that Cheyenne was just... a gorgeous vapid golddigger. She was not someone your grandmother would have approved of at all.”

Ben held back his usual remarks.

His mother wasn’t wrong...

Cheyenne was a horrible person.

He couldn’t help thinking about his waitress with the Mother Theresa complex. His grandmother would have approved of her...

He groaned.

His mother rambled on and on about arrangements for the gala, who was attending, what single women were coming... daughters of friends, and what she expected of him. 

They were hoping he find a suitable partner this time. 

Ben left the restaurant. It had been his mother’s favorite, but he’d eaten little of his meal. His nana wouldn’t have liked his ex at all... 

Somehow he found himself parking at the church his family donated to often. He knew the pastor... they’d grown up together.

Armitage Hux abandoned his wealth to be a pastor. Put his trust fund into the community. The former sociallight’s dream could have taken over his father’s company... but became a tool of god instead. The largest shelter in the city was attached to the church and the soup kitchen he ran. But there were two others in other parts of the vast city and the orphanage positioned next door in an old looking building.

Ben observed scruffy looking people enter and leave. 

So this was where Rey helped out ...she’d lived here.

One of his mother’s goals this year was giving the orphanage a reinvigoration. Update everything. His grandfather mentioned dressing as Santa again to deliver gifts. 

Ben wondered why the man still did... Nana Padme was long gone... why continue? Why not just pay someone to do it? Didn’t he have better shit to do?!

He contemplated going in...

In the end he was a fucking coward. He raced back to the office instead. 

Kaydel was blushing and giggling with a blonde man from accounting when he came in. He saw a joy on her face he hadn’t seen in a while...

Was she finally moving on?

It was a good thing, he’d been horrendous for her... but...

”prostitute yourself on your own time Connix! And you Mr. Wexley are very far from your fucking department!” Ben boomed. His volume made them both jump. 

The man zipped away looking terrified and Kaydel barely held back a sniffle. That was... unnecessary Mr.Solo.” She returned to her desk only to sob.

He stomped past, face stern.

He slammed his door closed.

He didn’t still want her, he just didn’t want that ...happening in front of him. He was quite single at the moment. He didn’t need shit rubbed in his face.


	6. Stretched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey worked double shifts all week. Her feet ached, but Rose and Charles gave her a little extra for doing them a solid, everyone else had spouses or kids. Plus, it wasn’t like she didn’t need the money.

“Well hello Rey! Always a pleasure!” Pastor Armitage greeted her. 

Rey smiled, “I brought a coat to donate and some food for the pantry. I got some extra shifts this last couple weeks and wanted to help. Do you have enough hands for the soup kitchen all month? I know that was a concern? I can sign up for more hours around my shifts?”

He nodded. “Thankyou dear, you’re always so generous. Yes, I believe we do. First Order Enterprises will be hosting their Christmas gala soon and they take good care of us every year, thankfully. Padme Skywalker’s legacy has been continued by her husband and daughter. There’s volunteers that come from their offices. I appreciate the hours you’ve already agreed to. But when do you sleep dear?”

He hugged her. 

She laughed. “I just am thankful for all that was done for me when I emancipated myself... you saved me. The shelter saved me. By the way, I’ve seen a few souls out in this cold weather. Do you need flyers put up to make sure everyone knows where to go?”

”most know, but if you feel drawn to... I will make you some.” He walked with her to put away her food donation and add the coat to the clothes closet shelves. “Are you reading to the kids again this year ?”

”oh definitely, I’m thinking the Grinch this time. I already asked Rose for a night off that Sunday night. So I can help decorate their tree too. Did Harly donate the tree?” Rey straightened. 

Paster Armitage grinned. “He did, yesterday. So when you come Sunday evening we can fix hot chocolate, play Christmas music, and the kids will enjoy decorating before you read their story. Thankyou, for all you do.”

Rey beamed. “I feel blessed.”

She spoke to a few of his regulars staying in the shelter before heading home.

He never approved of her walking everywhere, she promised she was careful. 

Her lanlord accepted the partial payment toward her rent and her electricity was back on. She was still behind, but her efforts were appreciated. They sympathized. Her fridge was a little fuller, she delighted in the process of preparing her mother’s chicken and dumplings recipe. It had been a while... Jyn had been quite the cook. Rey sighed, she really didn’t remember anything about her father.

She started boiling the whole chicken first. 

She puttered to her neighbor’s door to invite Poe and Jessika to dinner if they didn’t have plans. She felt like celebrating. 

They were friendly, and when she was able to share a meal with them like this, they sang for her.

She adored it.


	7. Guilty conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried... he did. He went to the club with his grandfather as usual. He terrorized his underlings around the office as typical. Even now he sat with Jeff and Zach getting slowly blind from shots.

“So I heard you finally took Gracelynn out like Leia wanted...” Zach poked.

”unforgivable...” Ben complained. “I suffered, truly suffered listening to her prattle while not even pretending to touch the $30 salad she ordered.”

Jeff chuckled. “Dude, she is smoking though... and worth fucking god knows how much!”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I’m worth more... the night was torture. Her only saving grace was when she blew me in the limo and I could enjoy silence.”

”that’s cold man...” Zach accused. “You said the same about Cheyenne and you dated her a long damn time... plus the ones before that were no different. Maybe trade that barbie doll image for something else if they are so dull.”

”perhaps...” Ben ordered another round of shots.

The bar was loud and had a mixture of odd smells. 

Around 3 a.m. they stumbled out. 

“Jesus fucking Christ I’m starving... isn’t there a diner open all night close? I think I saw one?” Jeff fumbled for his phone, his Uber pulled up in minutes.

”yeah I know where you’re thinking... Rose’s? Rose’s is open all nite. It’s 24 hours. There’s even a few cute waitresses. There’s a really sweet brunette there works late a lot.” Zach laid his head back and closed his eyes. “She is awesome... she always remembers what pie I like... super friendly.”

”never asked her out?” Jeff prodded.

”I... I chickened out. Maybe I’ll have enough liquid courage in me tonight.” He grinned. Shooting Jeff a glare, “no cutting in either asshole.”

Ben huffed. “ you’d lower yourself to that? Really Zach... she’s just a filthy little waitress, your father would cut you off. Cecilia would chop off your cock.”

”damn Solo, you’re such a stuck up fuck! I didn’t say marriage proposal... I said she’s cute. Take her out, maybe fuck in my god damn car! Cecilia fucks her tennis instructor...” Zach fumed.

Jeff laughed. “The lower classes have their perks Solo... she’d probably be grateful!”

”shut the fuck up! No bullshit when we go in...” Ben demanded and both men silenced. Something buzzed in the back of his alcohol ridden mind that his own words were cruel.

And he’d told them to back off...

Why?

What did he care if she fucked Zach or Jeff... or both?!

She could be quite the raging slut for all he knew?!

But... those thoughts made him feel worse.

No... the little waitress was probably not a slut. She practically glowed with purity. When he was referred to as Satan by many. Manwhore extraordinaire... It was a miracle he wasn’t diseased or dead. No better than the two men cracking jokes. 

Rey was indeed there as they loudly entered. 

There was a couple people inside. An old man sat at the main counter sipping coffee and a couple women cackled together in a booth. Ben was almost certain they were either hookers or strippers. 

Rey greeted them and seemed to recognize him from when he’d been there with Cassian. “Hello, welcome to Rose’s! I’ll get your coffee sir... black. And you...” she smiled at Zach. “Coffee with two creams and one sugar plus a slice of cherry pie. And your friend looks like a coffee with fries guy?”

”Yes actually, wow! Yeah, one cream two sugars please.” Jeff offered.

Ben said nothing. Stared at the table.

”fuck if you weren’t right about her being cute. I’d bang that in the damn restroom right now if she was game... fuck Danielle and her clingy ass.” Jeff cowered a little seeing Ben’s expression. “But, I won’t say shit Solo...”

Zach chuckled.

Ben could smell her perfume when she came back with their items. It was light... maybe jasmine? Mixed with grease and sweat from working. 

He never said a word to her or looked up when she refilled their mugs. 

But... when they left to get back into their Uber, “I’ll get our tab.”

When his friends were out of sight he pulled cash from his wallet. He tucked $500 under the slip of paper. Risked a glance toward where she stood tending to that old man at the counter. 

She looked tired, but her smile never faltered. He could tell her shoes were worn... he wondered if those bills she was behind on previously were paid yet? Maybe he’d check with Cassian... maybe that could be corrected if ...?

Ben quickly exited to join his friends. 

In his suite he stripped down to shower and ignored multiple texts from his mother... Gwen... and Cheyenne.

He found himself thinking about how her face might have looked shocked at the larger tip than before. If it brought her joy... or shame? 

The old quilt laying over the couch back, clean now, glaring accusingly at him.

He should return it.


	8. Generosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey stared at the money. She just couldn’t believe it was there. It was from the asshole who kept dismissing her and looking down his nose?! Finn saw it... saw the man hide it under the ticket. It was surreal. So he was probably the one who left the $100 too.

Rey felt like she walked on air as she dropped off two coats at the shelter and thick socks for all the kids.

Brother Armitage thanked her, she told him she’d been blessed and wanted to pay it forward. 

She treated herself to new work shoes and a new thicker coat for herself. A new pair of warmer gloves and a toboggan. She hummed to herself.

She saw a familiar face near the diner.

”Lucy ! Hi...!” Rey hugged the old woman. “You been sleeping at the shelter, staying warm right?”

”of course hun.” Lucy replied.

”have you eaten?” Rey asked.

Lucy shook her head. “I missed breakfast there, been out collecting. I hoped to collect enough to get something small for my granddaughter... her mother is going to come by the shelter and let me see her. She’s 6 now.”

Rey didn’t miss the sadness that crept across the woman’s face. Drugs had destroyed her family. Rey knew. It was a big deal that her daughter was letting her see the child now.

”oh Lucy that’s great! I’ll tell you what, you come have some lunch with me and I’ll give you the money to get her something nice. Ok?” Rey offered. “I was blessed recently and I’d love to share my good fortune.”

”you’re such an angel Rey, Thankyou.” Lucy went inside. Rose smiled as they came in, brought them over soups and sandwiches. 

Rose didn’t mind Lucy.

Rey gave Lucy enough for a few things. 

Lucy teared up. 

Rey tied her apron on so she could begin her shift. Having the morning off had been nice.

Ben read through it twice. 

The list.

“Cass, go to the bank she’s uses. Deposit enough to correct her balance. Plus this amount. He pointed to the check he’d written. Go to her landlord, pay her back rent and for the entire next year in full. Do the same with her utilities... all of it. For the year. Gas, water, electricity... have the landlord let you deliver new furniture and clothes to her apartment.” All this needs to be completed while she’s at work.”

Cassian nodded. 

Then set off to complete his tasks.


	9. Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben glared at his phone. It had been ringing nonstop either from the office...or Cheyenne. Cheyenne had missed his delightful presence apparently...that was a fucking lie. Cassian informed him his tasks were complete and the girl was still at work... her second shift of the day. Ben really needed to quit using the man as a catch all... he was technically his private investigator when the need arose, but... he was also a combination of confidante and personal attendant... any task he required the man did without question. Ben didn't trust anyone... he trusted Cass implicitly.

Cass warned him that what he'd impulsively done could freak the girl out... it was crazy ...invasive ...she might not appreciate him diving head first into her financial crisis. 

He still wasn't sure why the words spilled out...to just wipe her debt..

Give her all those things...

Yet...

He could not find regret within any corner of himself. She was a good person, life was royally fucking her... he didn't deserve a fraction of what he had access to. He knew she had given what she had expecting nothing in return. She had no idea who he was that night. She gave the precious little to a man who deserved to lay there and die. 

But as fate would have it, an angel took pity and gave of herself.

'Merry Christmas...' he could recall her whisper as real now. He knew she had saved him in ways that confused him. Yet, when faced with her recently, he'd been his typical asshole self. Did the cowardly thing and threw money at her rather than his voice.

Cass told him she'd shared the $500 he'd left by buying things for the shelter, the orphanage, ...cooked for her neighbors. She'd gotten herself overdue warmer items, paid toward her debt.

Why was she so giving to strangers?

To anyone...?

Ben examined the suite he called home. It was absent any true signs of life... that anyone loved him... that he loved anyone...

Cass sent him pictures of her apartment before the new decor had been delivered. Poor she was, but she had built a home under ridiculous circumstances. Love lived there...lived in her. That elusive Christmas spirit Scrooge and men like Ben lacked. Broken smashed men that barely existed.

He was crazy...

Cynical, cruel, harsh, antisocial.

That night he couldn't reflect as a party night... he was drinking to pass out and be numb...

To not feel...

To not breathe...

This girl woke up every day facing tragedy ...hardship, and smiled at the world. A world that was ungrateful for the effort, ...rude ...hateful ...like him.

If she saw him now would she smack him, thank him, or run?

Perhaps a mixture of all three?

He has not given her his name, Cassian was to make certain no one involved with his little Christmas break-in did. If she figured out who he was...? He really was not sure how he would react when faced with her questions.

Cassian left the now clean quilt draped over the back of her new couch in her tiny apartment. Ben felt that was all that needed saying. A 'thankyou'. He would go to the office tomorrow no different...be his usual dick self and hope everyone kept their distance as was their normal response. He needed to prepare for the Christmas Gala, he had to present Brother Armitage with his check for the shelters and orphanage this year, per his mother and grandfather. Anakin had even gently demanded Ben assist him when he played Santa at the orphanage the night after. 

Ben was not a good choice to play elf...

But...

His grandfather was really asking either.

His mother has already asked him who he was bringing to the gala several times. Ben thinks he'd rather drown in his own piss than have one of his standard dates decorating his arm. Their grating voices and materialistic bullshit. 

Rey would be going home in an hour or so...

Ben found himself questioning his gesture, but praying she smiled when she discovered slowly just what all has been done.

She had such a smile...

He finished his 3rd scotch and let himself close his eyes. 


	10. Double take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s shifts had gone great. She was just exhausted when she got home. Bleary eyes did a double take when she went in however...

What the...?!

Was she in the right apartment?

She set her keys down and began a mental inventory... yes ...all her things were there?

She went room to room.

Everything was how she had it except now her pictures and books etc were on new matching furniture... nice furniture. She had a brand new bed and ...damn...

Her fridge and cabinets were full?

All her found semi-broken mismatched things were gone. 

On her new pillow was an envelope.

_**Ms. Winters,** _

_**I apologize for simply inviting myself into your life, but your actions have consequences...** _

_**I hope the new furnishings, clothing, and food stock is to your liking. The sandwich you left was very good. The clothes are varied and you can keep or get rid of what you decide.** _

_**Inside this envelope is several receipts. Your rent arrears have been resolved and your rent has been paid for the next year, as has your gas... water... ... electricity...** _

_**Your bank account balance has been adjusted. Instead of your $17.00, I have paid you back with vast interest. In that, a deposit has been made that should assist in further needs should they arise... though you are free to do with your money as you see fit. Your judgement is far better than mine.** _

_**I have had your quilt cleaned and returned to you...** _

_**I expect nothing in return.** _

_**Your kind gesture to a stranger was a surprise and appreciated.** _

_**Merry Christmas,** _

No name...

Rey blinked.

Her mind spinning. 

The quilt?!

She zoomed around her apartment. When her eyes landed on the back of the new couch she couldn’t hold back. Tears streamed down both cheeks as she snatched it up to hold it close. It wasn’t lost...

The man...?

She’d covered a homeless man weeks ago?

He wasn’t a homeless man then...she’d helped someone who...?

Rey had no idea who he was. But, wow! Slightly creepy... but still... wow. She pulled out the receipts. Sure enough all her bills were showing caught up and paid in full for the next year. Insane... Her bank account held $10,000. That had her speechless. 

She’s never seen that much money... to her that $100... that $500, had seemed like so much! She had no idea how to feel about a stranger giving her this much! Let alone the rest?! 

Has she invited some psycho into her life?!

Rey wrapped herself in the warmth of the old quilt. If she closed her eyes she could imagine it was her mother’s arms and feel comforted.

What should she do?

He did not give his name...

He had not been nice at the diner those two interactions... just large tips...

She didn’t know who he was, but was apparently well off and important...

So how had he ended up filthy and bleeding in the alley, smelling like a brewery and really resembling a homeless man?!

Rey was stumped.

She didn’t need so... much.

The extra money could go to help people who needed it more...


	11. face yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia nudged Han's arm, "you need to talk to him again...he's slipping into that dark place he tends to go..." Han nodded. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed their son.

_"your son suffers from depression, it can be treated with therapy and medication...or simply one or the other." Dr. Franklin informed them._

_Leia gripped her husband's hand, "but... he has a good life? ...he wants for nothing?"_

_"things and money do not equal happiness princess, you know that..." Han offered. "and he is a teenager, cursed by hormones and mood swings...the asshats at his private school don't help. He's been ridiculed and lashes out... we can love him no matter what, but we are busy a lot too dear. He needs more of our time."_

_Though she felt slightly chastised, he wasn't wrong... their wealth and status made for hectic schedules... obligations..._

_"he doesn't see that he is worth loving ...he sees only faults. You can tell him the words, but he has to learn how to believe them." the doctor explained._

_Ben sat very quietly his first few sessions, then slowly opened up._

_They tried multiple medications to ease his outlook, but he had adverse reactions to each._

_They hurt more than helped..._

_Ben pushed his family away, all except his grandmother._

_Nana Padme could always coax a smile from him. His eyes lit up when she greeted him. She was the calm in his ever growing storm, He felt safe with her, welcome, loved, accepted. it didn't matter what his day entailed, at her house he was at peace. She asked nothing of him other than to be Ben._

_His grandfather expected more..._

_His future was mapped out... he would take over someday._

_Ben wasn't the herald of the apocalypse, but sometimes he felt he was looked at with such dread. His presence was never wanted... to him anyway. What he saw in people's expressions or in their tone wasn't always what was actually there._

_Even in college he struggled to form lasting friendships or relationships. Trust was always an issue. His morose troubled anyone who was around him long, he was emotionally immature and defunct. Fearless he was not..._

_His grandmother would take him to volunteer at the shelter and the orphanage she loved. It was good for him to see how hard life could be... to see children cold and hungry, when he had a warm bed... food...clothes...a home with family who would die for him. Even if he didn't believe it..._

_He resented these outings, his heart stoic and closed off. But, he saw how they smiled at his Nana. How their comfort warmed her heart and brought her such joy. The Christmas Gala was her charity, it helped so many. His mother was heavily involved, as was he as a Skywalker... a Solo... Padme believed they were responsible for their community._

"Brother Armitage...?" Rey's voice seemed so small in the church. She needed guidance. Her discovery had made her so thankful, and yet...

Her heart wept for the man with no name who she knew was suffering...despite his apparent blessings. She wanted to hold his hand, look into his eyes... See what was really there. The man who wrote the letter... the man who made it a point to return her mother's quilt.

Rich didn't equal happy...

"Rey! What a wonderful surprise!" the pastor hugged her tight. "saves me a trip... you really need at least a prepaid phone! I wanted to invite you to be my plus one at the Christmas Gala. The church will be presented with a generous donation for the shelters in town and the orphanage. It will be higher this year and with how involved you always are...well, I couldn't think of anyone else to help me accept it. I even hoped as a child who lived at the orphanage and benefited from the main shelter's aid after your emancipation...? That you might be encouraged to speak on my behalf."

Rey blushed. "I would be honored. Actually, speaking of generous..." she hesitated. Pulling an envelope out from her coat. "someone gifted me several miracles recently. I thought I could pay that kindness forward and donate to the new van fund. There's enough to finish your goal and ...use the rest toward food for the soup kitchen ...and more blankets ...etc. I can't keep it."

Brother Armitage grinned, "such a kind soul you are, well...whoever gifted this to you much have deep pockets and a story of their own. But, ...I am just going to say thankyou, and make good use of it."

"I assume your answer is yes to my question ?" He pushed.

Rey sighed, but smirked. "ok..., but I am not wearing something fancy!"

He nodded.

"I actually had a question too... a need for advice." she changed her expression swiftly, concerned. "the man who gave me this money... he paid my bills...got me furniture... put food in my home... all because I did a small thing for him to be nice. I think he's depressed, sad in his life... I found him drunk and dirty in an alley. I thought he was homeless... he apparently wasn't." 

With a furrowed brow, "everyone has demons they battle Rey... his may not be obvious to those in his life, or even himself... but his actions speak of a potential for good. He felt blessed by your actions... which pushed him to act in response, in a generous way. Do you know who he was?'

She shook her head, " no... but I am pretty sheltered in some ways. He could have been a celebrity or politician and I would not have recognized him..."

"well, the universe may still answer the question of his identity for you... give him the benefit of the doubt that his character is genuine" He gave her a thoughtful glance. "He didn't seek praise for his actions...or the spotlight... that tells me you touched something deep with your small delving into philanthropy. Compassion doesn't always make sense to those who receive it. Mercy isn't normal to most, they expect a cost for acts of benevolence."

Rey took his advice. 

She wandered into the shelter attached to the church to see how everyone was. She felt such a warmth inside as she observed those wearing the coats she'd donated. Chivalry wasn't dead... these people mattered. And so does her mystery benefactor... She would help him somehow. 

He just needed to know he mattered...

That he made a difference to someone...

Rey would offer him her hand and hopefully chase away whatever hopelessness almost took him over the night she'd stumbled upon him. 


	12. motions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben went through the motions... he dressed... he worked. It took such effort... He dealt. But it always felt like something weighed him down. Like he was just deadened inside and bumping around within his daily routine. Like it was someone else's life and he was an imposter... It has gotten so much worse... why attempting relationships turned into such staggering failures. He saw nothing in them he wanted... nothing to rekindle the fire within him. Remind him why he bothered to open his eyes at all...

Sex was empty, a transaction to get off... because yeah, he could get off. But, it was like a chore. The women were obsessed with his name... his family... what they could gain from him.

They didn't really care about HIM.

It was why her gesture had such merit, why it hit some unnamed thing deep inside him. Rey Winters didn't want anything from him...it had simply been generosity...empathy for a stranger. 

Gwen Phasma, on any given day, wanted to suck Ben's cock til he was cross-eyed or stab him in the neck with her high heel. She turned on and terrified most of the men within the company. Flawless in her appearance... from her sleek suits to her stilettos, with not a hair out of place and perfect makeup. 

She sneered at him as the conference room emptied following the merger completion. "You need to get your shit straight Solo! I shouldn't have to keep doing your fucking job because mommy doesn't want to fire you!"

Ben groaned, "I'm sorry Phas...I haven't been feeling...well." He hesitated with his answer. 

"Solo, you haven't been entirely present since your mother and grandfather brought you into the company. Not a day since you've worked here. You need to find a way to cope or don't bother coming in at all!" she huffed, before storming out of the now empty conference room.

He wanted to resent her...

To hate her...

But he couldn't...

She spoke the truth... an ugly truth... but truth none the less.

He never apologized before, until he had just now...and that was because she had completed a huge portion of his workload for this merger. The merger would not have been complete, would have been postponed and cost millions, if she had not stayed late while he was drunk somewhere...

To her credit, she never voiced her distaste of him to his mother or grandfather.

Simply picked up his slack. She was ruthless in business, but respected and loved his family...it equated to her ignoring his neglect most of the time. She found him physically appealing, but mentally unfit... professionally unhinged.

He managed to make his way to his office and close his door without conversing with anyone. 

He stared out the window, down at the city below... the ever-changing city.

Did anyone else feel like him?

The gala was always so packed with the who's who that knew his family. The Christmas music, the decorations, the extravagance everywhere. It would be nice to see Hux though. Brother Armitage now, Ben always forgot to call him that. It was unreal how he had walked away from his family's influence... become a good man.

A good man.

Ben wished he had such confidence... to step away instead of being suffocated by legacy... status. He saw no one in the mirror but an empty shell... he was a burden...

"Ben!' Leia interrupted his inner monologue of self deprecation. "Your tux has been delivered to your suite. Is Cheyenne coming with you tonight...or have you met someone new?"

She meant well... he knew she did...

He inwardly cringed, "no mother, we just didn't ...mesh well. We wanted very different things. I haven't met anyone new that would be available." His mind shifting to the girl...

Ms. Winters would hate the venom of society, the careless money spent to glitz and pose. She wouldn't fit in among them... because she would outshine them all !

Fearless kindness... she could teach those cold and calculating harpies a thing or two. 

He had impulsively done what he'd done... when normally he hid. Behind hostility and vile walls to keep others at bay... away from him. People didn't see past the surface from a distance, they didn't see the cracks in his mind. She had seen him utterly broken... a candid glimpse of his lows. Edge of sanity... barely gripping the cliff's...

No... she would despise these fake crowds.

He died a little inside as he straightened his tie, smoothed his tux. This girl could bring the mogul to his knees, armed with only her sweet smile.

He was glad she had friends, ...his mind wandered... his family would have adored a daughter like her. The amazing things she could have accomplished had she grown up with access to his resources... Still, the fanciful lie wasn't steel...it was glass. Shattering slowly his whole life. Her crumbs of mercy made his frozen heart thaw... flutter. It baffled him, it was a dangerous realization.

Would she find his wealth and name lewd... harsh? See him as a petulant child...ungrateful?

A quagmire of self hate and insecurity?

Thorny topics to be sure...

He slipped on his watch, his cuff links, his overpriced shoes... The limo picked him up promptly, cavernous with only him as a passenger.

Once he arrived, he did his rounds at his mother's side...then his grandfather's... Trying to muster holiday cheer for the sake of the night. He sighed, missing his Nana. She'd be at the piano now if...

Music echoed throughout the grand hall. "Silent Night... Holy Night... !"

The voice so soft, angelic, but powerful and piercing. "All is calm... All is bright...!"

He couldn't see her, the miraculous source was surrounded by a crowd now... but, it struck him how filled with emotion her notes came out. He was spun backward into a long lost past time. Of his Nana Padme singing the same song, ...him listening so intently at her side as she glided her fingers along the piano keys. Like magic...

He had to flee to cover the tear threatening to escape. Once safely in the restroom, he let it fall... followed by many other tears. He collected himself before he emerged again.

When he rejoined the masses, he heard a playful rendition of 'Frosty the Snowman' being belted out to joyful guests. He ventured to the open bar to acquire a scotch. He downed a second. He needed his dull haze before he joined his family on stage. It was almost time to present Brother Armitage with the big donation. But that would follow the pastor's speech, he always spoke a bit about how the shelters were doing... how the orphanage was.

He joined his mother, father, and grandfather beside the main stage.

Brother Armitage stepped up to the podium. "it is always an honor to be here, thankyou Leia..., Anakin..., for always making this a merry time for all of us. Padme Skywalker made us all feel a bit more blessed every year with her presence. God rest her soul. She made us all strive to be better. The Christmas Gala provides much appreciated resources for many who would suffer without your generosity. It is with that in mind, that instead of myself, I begged another beautiful spirit to grace us with her story. She lived at the orphanage in her youth, and following her emancipation... she benefited from the resources at our main shelter Endless Hope, attached to our church, the Arkanis Church of God. She has struggled her whole life, but never once has she doubted God's love and mission. She has always given of herself and helped others even when her own resources were few. She is a prime example of the best of humanity, humble and kind. I am proud to call her a sister in Christ and friend. If Rey Winters would please join me at the podium!"

Ben nearly choked on his own tongue.

She looked so radiant as she stood next the his old friend, the pastor... yet so small.

She blushed so sweetly, she looked nervous.

As she began to speak, he realized it was her voice he'd heard singing before... He was rage flesh and bone, but in this wave of disbelief...he was reconnecting to his own beating heart. To the soul who cried and screamed in agony... which was now snug and content as her words flowed into him. Comforted. He inhaled sharply, pained by delicious shock at her nearness. He could speak to her ... He could tell her what she had done...

Hopefully without her running away...


	13. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey wasn’t oblivious... she nearly lost her balance when she noticed a familiar frame near the main stage. It was him...

She managed...

Barely.

She slowly recited her story of woe and triumph over adversity. She thanked her friend and pastor, the Skywalkers and Solos, the crowd. 

The wealthy elite guests ate up her story and clapped. 

But her eyes kept drifting to him... he was a Skywalker legacy... a Solo...

Leia and Han’s son...

Anakin and Padme’s grandson...

The family who’d always done so much for the orphanage... the local shelters... she prayed for them. His grandmother had taught her to play the piano...

He was here.

Looking much improved... clean, sharply dressed, decorated by shiny things. He probably smelled vastly better... she tried not to shake. But, it was understandably intimidating. She’d thought he was homeless... he was worth millions! No wonder his gifts were so ...

It was a drop in a bucket to him probably...

Pocket change...

But, he hadn’t signed the letter?

Shame?

Regret?

Worried she would blackmail him or want more...?

She saw something though... his exterior was solid, but under that...

Ah... there it is...

Many talked to her after to presentation. Even Leia herself. She lost him in the flurry of movement.

Where did he slip off to? This... Ben Solo...?

She danced with her pastor once and excused herself to seek space from the multitude. No one commented on her less than formal attire, but her Christmas sweater and old jeans made her self-conscious.

She found herself in a large doorway that led to a huge balcony. It overlooked a snow covered garden. 

“Thankyou...” the baritone caught her offguard, but she giggled and gave him a smile. Up close he wasn’t so sour looking, but maybe tired. His eyes were soulful.

”I suppose I could say to same to you...” she replied. She could smell his cologne, a delicious scent. 

Ben stepped closer. “Yes, I suppose that’s true... you obviously can see now I wasn’t homeless... I was just...” he paused.

She nodded. “You were just lost...”

He had no words.

All he could do was keep looking into those warm hazel eyes where he saw no judgement or scrutiny... just concern.

She glanced above them. 

His eyes followed her trail of sight...

”mistletoe...” Rey pointed out. 

Before he could reply, her gentle hands cupped his face and she tilted up to place a chaste soft kiss upon his lips.

He melted at the slight touch. 

Overwhelmed with confusion... attraction... fear...

But Rey let her mouth linger a moment longer.

Then moving back, smiled brightly. “It’s ok... you’re ok...”


	14. Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brother Armitage was the only witness to the little early Christmas miracle taking place under the mistletoe... information clicked in his mind and he realized Ben was Rey’s mystery benefactor. He smiled to himself. He had never seen such relaxed peace take over the young Solo’s features since they were very young... and Rey... well, she looked quite happy. If anyone could pull Ben from the darkness that continually tried to drown him... it was Rey... such a brightness. God worked through her daily... of course he’d send such a beautiful soul to reach one of his lost children. He chuckled, Leia and Han would be pleasantly shocked if it continued past a simple kiss. He had a feeling it would. Ben had never shown much interest in anyone... not genuine care. And Rey cares so much for everyone...

His words were lost to him...

Her lips... 

Her soft palms...as they were pressed together innocently, she caressed his cheeks. It was so soothing.

Thank God for mistletoe...

He sent silent gratitude to the heavens above... 

As they parted, he sighed in relief. She was not an illusion... she was real, it had happened, and nothing in her eyes held regret.

Rey blushed bright rose. “I... it’s bad luck not to kiss if you end up under mistletoe... I couldn’t allow you to be cursed like that. Me either...”

She carefully peeked up through long lashes. He was a bit intimidating up close, shyness couldn’t be helped. 

He thought it was precious...

Refreshing...

He felt clean and new...

How could he feel like this?

How was it possible?

Dare he say... was this happiness?

He heard his name in the distance, turned to see who... when he turned back she was gone. 

He blanched.

No...!

Frantic, he sought to find her.

Only to be bombarded by anyone and everyone he didn’t want to converse with.

He frowned. 

The feeling had been so...

But fleeting.

Maybe she simply got overwhelmed and went home?

He went quickly outside to seek his limo. He would try her apartment... they needed to talk. Ben prayed he could sound eloquent and smooth for once. 

His normal style of interaction would not help his case... what was his case?

What did he want...?


	15. Silent words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben could see her lights were on... standing with the limo door ajar, he was at an impass... did he close the car door and venture toward her apartment ...or run like a scared little bitch back to his suite at The Grand Alderaan? Both held consequences...

He ultimately manned up momentarily, and dismissed the limo driver. Striding toward her door seemed like walking to his death...

A death of self in some ways...

He couldn’t hide behind his normal defenses with her. She wasn’t typical...

He hadn’t bought her affections. She didn’t care about things...

Her simple innocent kiss had wrecked his shields... left him raw and confused. By his own actions and hers. But now what?

He chose to follow?

He was at her door?

She would either welcome him in ...or scream at him to go away?

The second possibility seemed far fetched, despite the fact it would make more sense to him than her allowing him into her sanctuary.

The gears in his head were spinning...

Surely her kissing him was a lapse in judgement on her part?

He was obviously fucked up...?

He was a rich asshole...?

He was a notorious womanizer...?

He’d had someone break into her home...?

Illegally dissect her finances...?

He was an awful person...

He was not worth her time...

Why trust him at all?

He was a drunk...? An aimless man...?

He stared blankly at the accusing doorknob arguing with himself. He should leave... He should leave her alone... He should fucking just disappear ...put his parents, Rey, and everyone who has suffered his company out of their misery...

”hi...” he hadn’t even realized she opened the door. 

He hadn’t knocked?!

He didn’t reply...

”I’m... baking Christmas cookies for the kids at the orphanage... you can keep fighting in your head quietly while you help me... ok?” Rey gave him a nervous, soft smile.

He simply followed. Was he a puppy now...?!

She closed the door.

He watched her approach her kitchen counter that was now covered with baking sheets, cookie cutters, icing, sprinkles, flour, ...she turned back to him without a word, handed him an apron. 

He noted her feet were bare, she still wore her outfit from the gala. He was severely overdressed for baking... he had no idea how to bake...

”start over there for me, flatten to dough I have ready and pick shapes you like from that set of cookie cutters...” she ordered politely. As if it was normal... as if his tux didn’t cost more that her apartment and then some.

He did as he was told.

He was startled and set rigid when she began to sing lowly to herself... the same magical feeling was there. He had no response. He had no idea how to strike up the appropriate conversation... it made his mind go quiet.

Instead of the numbness alcohol created... her voice wrapped him in something warm and comforting, while making him uncomfortable and ready to bolt at the same time.

She just worked contently as if she was aware, yet unconcerned that he had yet to speak.

Who was this girl...?

How was she real...?

”They like thick icing so when we decorate the batches don’t skimp. I’ll do detailing if you spread the base colors first. White for the snowmen of course and...” as she explained their route for decorating, he examined her features. Observed her body language. 

She was as nervous as him... she was ignoring the awkward situation and acting as if they’d done this a thousand times... like old friends... like...?

No... they weren’t so intimate that he could call her anything... she couldn’t be labeled. But... he silently followed her directions, ignoring how filthy his tux was getting.

Hours later they were surrounded by trays covered by various Christmas cookies... and he had no answers for what this all meant, what he should do, or why she let him in at all?

Was she not scared of him? 

He could be an number of horrible things...?! 

She was comical as she scurried around organizing the chaos created. She explained how each child had favorites and she would read to them while they enjoyed the treat... that her mother had volunteered when she was young... that she felt blessed to give these kids that comfort. That they would see Santa after her story and treat, tell him their wishes before singing Christmas songs.

That his grandfather had made such a great Santa year after year... the kids couldn’t wait to open the presents from him. He always seemed to just know...how much she had adored his visits as a child. How kind his grandmother had been...

Ben found himself jealous of her certainty... her joy within apparently sad memories because it was obvious her mother’s absence was felt... that she connected to these kids... their losses.

He wasn’t a good man... why had he come here...?

She interrupted his battle by shoving a cookie in his mouth. “You were a great elf tonight... very on task, Thankyou. I ... needed it.” 

He nodded. Perplexed.

She walked him to her door when he motioned to leave. “I don’t want you to talk to me about any of it until you want to... you have... a lot going on in your head.” She figured, “but I want to know you... without filters Ben... no fluff... no pretense... and no more gifts... ok?” 

When he nodded again, she tipped up and kissed his reddening cheek. 

“Goodnight Mr.Solo...” Rey breathed, before closing her door to him.

What an odd turn of events... he was no less in turmoil... but he also had no urge to drink at the moment. He requested a car, and as he was driven home, he considered her actions. Her words. 

By telling him about her plans for the Christmas cookies, was she half assed inviting him along for her visit to the orphanage? 

He couldn’t assume...

But as he lay in his bed an hour later quite sober, he thought being near her at all would be worth the effort... his grandfather would appreciate the effort too. Would see it as taking interest in the good the company, initiative.

Being festive...


	16. Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben had seen his grandfather dress as Santa so many times... he never completely understood why he did it. He would spend the day at the office delivering candy canes to every dept, wishing them Merry Christmas. Their Christmas bonus attached to the candy canes. Then leave early in the afternoon to head to the orphanage to play Santa there. He bought the gifts for the children himself... and today, he made Ben accompany him.

That’s how Ben found himself at a gigantic superstore...

He pushed one buggy and his father a second, his grandfather a third... they were full to the brim, and Anakin ordered Ben to grab two more buggies.

Anakin and Padme used to go together to pick out toys and warm coats for the children.

She would play the piano and sing there, she even taught one young inquisitive girl to play before she passed... Anakin felt his chest tighten when he’d seen the now grown girl singing and playing just like his late wife at the Christmas Gala. 

She sounded wonderful, captivating the audience. He had no idea what Brother Armitage had up his sleeve, but thoroughly enjoyed it. It was fitting she spoke for the orphanage and shelter that night. She was a success story, despite her struggles. 

Padme would have loved it.

He glanced back at his grandson... who looked so absent as they collected things.

It was sad really... he understood fighting back the darkness, he had won his fight against depression with the help of his wife. Love heals and lifts, hope and acceptance... God’s love proved through her. Now he still saw the boy slipping backward... ever since he was a teen. It broke his aging heart. He wanted him happy and whole. 

He couldn’t make him come with him when he played Santa, but he wished he would...

See their thankful bright faces...

Feel the true joy of Christmas...

He knew his daughter and son-in-law worried for the boy. He kept them all at an arm’s length, and he has done so much self destruction ... couldn’t he see how loved he was?

The boy treated everyone as an enemy... like he was at war constantly. Anakin remembered how Padme could always pull the boy from the brink... he was affectionate with his Nana... smiled for her sincerely.

He prayed his grandson would feel that with a woman of his own someday... that was truly his Christmas wish.

Love and joy...


	17. Cheer up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey dressed the part this year, donning a cutesy elf dress, leggings, pointy shoes, and hat with elf ears. She grinned at her adorable reflection, the kids would love it! She really hoped a certain grumpy gus would show up with his family. He did ok helping her with the cookies the other night, even though he was obviously out of his element in the kitchen buried by ingredients in his expensive suit. Rey packed up each set of cookies in multiple cheerful containers. Ben needed to put on Santa’s hat this year, embrace the joy of the season... let some happy in...

Ben was drowning again..

The thick blackness numbing his limbs... muting his senses... 

He could vaguely hear his grandfather and father discussing how much the children looked forward to their arrival. They both planned to help a bit at the soup kitchen too, Leia was on her way from the office. She’d been detained.

He stared out the window.

Nana would like he was joining them... 

Nana would have thoroughly been entertained by him covered in flour in Rey’s kitchen... He smiled to himself. His private reprieve from being miserable. 

Sometimes he wondered if being happy was cardinal sin for him... if it was forbidden... the way he tried to hide from it like a snarling beast. Feeling he didn’t deserve it’s warmth. 

But Rey... 

Rey he was drawn to like a flame singing to him. Possibly his doom... but her kiss was soft and made him want to just ... dip a toe in the unknown waters of her presence. Her touch. 

She’d welcomed him when he argued with himself at her door...

Treated him like a friend... she kissed his cheek... seemed to invite him to ...

His own family’s destination. So, it worked out well... they thought he was making an effort... he could plausibly hide behind them if she didn’t really want him there.

He wasn’t sure how this flimsy plan he had would go...

But he needed to be there...Her nearness was a lethal dose of something he wasn’t sure he could handle ... yet...

”Ben, I’m so pleased you’ll be helping us tonight!” Anakin praised.

Han agreed, commenting on how they could bond as a family. How excited Leia was. 

Ben wondered absently if Brother Armitage knew... if he’d brought Rey to the Christmas Gala simply to torture him... that was ridiculous thought path. He huffed and turned back to gaze out the window again. 

Rey set out the various cookie plates. Prepping. Brother Armitage liked her elf outfit, complimenting her zealous spirit with an affectionate chuckle.

The Skywalkers and Solos were enroute, minus their typical entourage. 

She grabbed her book, headed to the main room to sit and read to the kids. They were already waiting for her, chattering and giggling. Some wearing Christmas shirts or colors. They piped up gleefully at the sight of Santa’s elf.

”Ms Rey!” One yelled, hugging her leg.

”can I wear your hat?!” Another asked, tugging on her sleeve.

“Now now, time to settle down and listen... then perhaps Santa will be here.” Rey offered. 

The children sat in a circle around her, dimpled grins... rosey cheeks... eyes filled with wonder. 

The kids had peeked over their book options she’d brought, and settled on ‘This Little Reindeer’ to start.

Rey cleared her throat and began. 

“This little reindeer went to market. This little reindeer loaded the sleigh. This little reindeer did some stretching. And this little reindeer mapped the way. This little reindeer cooked up some treats.” Rey emphasizes each part and the kids are grinning ear to ear as she shows each picture. “This little reindeer played in the snow.This little reindeer read a book. And this little reindeer said, ‘Let’s go!’ Then all these little reindeer said, ‘We... we...we...wish you a Merry Christmas!’ ” 

As she finished, they all clapped happily. “Ms. Rey... Pete the Cat next! Please!”

She nodded. “Of course... and more, but first it’s time for a snack especially for you before Santa’s visit!” She guided them to where the spread of cute cookies waited, she poured them milk or hot chocolate ...whichever they wanted. Adding extra marshmallows. 

Ben followed his father and grandfather inside. They placed the presents under the tree.

“I’m going to change back into my suit, Ben come with me, we need to chat.” Anakin requested.

As they walked past the main open area, he heard her voice, he stopped unseen and listened as she enthusiastically read about a reindeer ...the children looked completely enthralled.

”She is amazing with them isn’t she...? Reminds me of your grandmother. Padme adored all her little lost ones here... that young woman lived here when she was young. Your grandmother taught her how to play piano... just one of many lives she touched. One of the many reasons she owned this stubborn old heart, and still does.” Anakin sighed. “It would make Padme so happy to see this...” 

Ben nodded, finding it difficult to leave the sight... or the sound of Rey’s voice. 

Would she like that he came...?

When she guided the children to another room to eat the cookies he’d helped make, he forced himself to catch-up to where his grandfather had gone.

Maybe there was something to this... hopeful season... all this giving... Rey had given to him, he had given to her...?

When he arrived in room his grandfather was supposed to be in, all he found was the suit and a note.

_Ben,_

_Take a chance for once in your life. Let your heart guide you, I had a feeling this was exactly where you needed to be... and Brother Armitage shared an interesting story, a Christmas story about you and that delightful girl..._

_Let go of your insecurities, put on the suit. Let them all into your heart, maybe it won’t hurt so bad anymore. Let her in too... I think that is what you really want this Christmas! Your Nana would approve, I’m sure of it._

_Love, Papa Ani_

Ben scowled for a moment, glanced around suspiciously.

He couldn’t... could he?

She’d laugh... maybe?

He clenched his teeth, but started to pull off his suit.


	18. Courage under the tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey giggled as the previously clean faces turned into icing smeared and sprinkled. It warmed her heart, though a tear threatened to escape recalling the special cookies her mother saved just for her. She shared even that one with these kids and knew her mother was smiling down from heaven. As the little redhead snacked on an angel with chestnut hair ...hazel eyes ...and a golden halo, Rey felt herself at peace. She only ever made one. Brother Armitage told her Santa was about to take his seat and then they’d go to the tree to give out the gifts brought. He told her all four had arrived, two already passing out food in the soup kitchen to the shelter’s guests... Leia was standing by to take pictures of the children on Santa’s lap. Rey found herself relieved that Ben was apparently at least helping his father pass out food. Though she’d hoped he would join his grandfather and see the real gift of Christmas. God encourages generosity, kindness, love ...hope. She wanted Ben to see the joy in each child’s eyes.

Ben was more afraid as he slowly walked to his designated seat, than he’d ever been his entire life. Children saw through masks... his wouldn’t protect him... push them away. They would see his fearful eyes beneath the fluffy hat... the fake beard... But... he would have his elf for support wouldn’t he?

A beautiful elf...

Would she sense it was him automatically?

People always say he has his grandfather’s eyes...? his father’s stark looks, combined with his mother’s... his grandmother’s presence... but they also say he could blister the devil with his firey words... sharp tongue cutting everyone...

Was this what she wanted?

Him here... in the suit... letting tiny strangers invade his space... possibly chopping down his defenses? Not unlike her...

He saw his mother nonchalantly chatting with Brother Armitage, had she been in on this scheme? Had Hux told Papa Ani and Momma both? 

“Santa’s ready!” Leia called down the hall. 

Ben felt every muscle stiffen... his chest cease it’s rise and fall... his breath hold...

Rey entered the room, it seemed like light came with her.

Excited small humans surrounded and then formed a line leading to him. “Ok, now we won’t be rude or pass in line. Everyone will have a turn, Santa will hear each of your Christmas wishes!” Rey held their rapt attention... and his.

She moved closer to him, taking her place at his side. “Ready to serve Santa, your elf is on duty!” She offered a playful wink, then reached down for candy canes to pass out as the kids came up. Before the first child did however, she leaned in and whispered low, “Thankyou so much for doing this every year Anakin... it always meant so much to me growing up, it means so much to them still. You and your family give such a Christmas blessing for us lost souls...”

As she gestured to the first child to come on up, helped them onto Ben’s leg, ...he felt his heart clench before finally taking an intake of breath.

He would not be paralyzed by panic... his anxiety...

This was ...important.

From somewhere deep and hidden he mustered. “Ho Ho Ho! Hello little boy, what do you wish for Christmas?”

And so it went... they spoke, he replied... Leia took a smiling photograph, and Rey sent them away with a candy cane.

Several hugged him or kissed his cheek, most just wanted things for others... such a surprise to him but he’d been impressed.

’I really want Stacey to get the baby doll she really wants...’

’can you make sure Joey get his paintbrush and new paints...’

’we need more games in the rec room...’

’maybe a tv and DVD player we can all watch...’

’I really like the new ponies...’

They asked for boots, toys, books, coats, tennis shoes, music, games... they asked for Brother Armitage to get a new tie...

But then a little redheaded girl asked for something he hoped as well...

’can you make sure Ms. Rey gets a nice present this year? She’s always so nice...’

He gave the girl a mischievous grin. “Actually, don’t tell her... but she has already gotten her Christmas wish... shhh.” 

The girl beamed at the secret shared. “Good... she deserves it.” She gave him a hug and snatched her candy cane after posing for the picture.

Rey looked so happy.

He felt good about this, on impulse... after the final child, he beckoned with his only ounce of courage ...”and my hardworking elf, what is your Christmas wish?”

She chuckled. And with the kids all demanding, sat herself on his lap, “Well Santa... all I want is for each child here to feel loved and special this Christmas. But, while you’re granting, ... there’s a ...new friend I pray will feel this as well. He needs a dose of joy. This place has magic in it, maybe you can send out my request to the universe.” 

Her slightly blushing cheeks, hopeful eyes made him feel like soaring. “Yes... I believe Santa can take care of... your friend. And all your dreams... ” He knew his gaze was piercing hers, that she felt the sharp stab of her nearness within him. How she’s affected him as a man... a human being...

For the first time in a long time he was strong!

She was staring a bit, concentrating. But, Leia interrupted. “Alright kids, Santa has heard your wishes... we will sing a few carols and then see what’s under the tree!” 

Rey left his lap, he almost shivered with the loss of heat. Empty again. But full too... 

He understood he thinks, what his Papa wanted. 

It was time to leap...


	19. novel idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben watched and listened...strained his ears to hear her voice. She was telling them one last story before they scurried up to bed. About a princess lost in the woods, until a kind creature revealed itself to her... guided her to the path enveloped by light... instead of the path shrouded by darkness. To safety. How his gesture was selfless and how they should treat others. It wasn't always what you can gain from being a good person... being generous to a stranger... your reward is the act in and of itself... that you are being a good person. Such as at Christmas, getting gifts, though nice, it not what it is all about. Her gentle smile had them wrapped around her finger, him too... Giving is more important than receiving, share good will... do kind things... every day... not just at Christmas. It was a sound bit of advice, coming from someone he knew was such a person. He stood, leaning against the door frame, dressed as Santa, feeling like perhaps he had played the part in her life ...that role. The creature choosing to be kind and help the princess who was suffering and scared ...lost. But wait, ... wasn't she the one who saved him from being lost first? He pondered.

Leia printed off the pictures of the children in Brother Armitage's office. The special printer was just one of their new toys, she thought he could capture and print memories for the children easier if they had the right tools on hand. That and a camera. She gently stacked them so he could present them to each child in the morning. She held one last photograph up, examining it closely before grinning like she'd found a treasure.

Han found her grinning and gestured, "what...? Did one of the kids make a funny face in their picture? Pee on your dad's lap?"

"no... Dad was actually in the soup kitchen with you, it seems you didn't notice him. Were you in the front area passing out food or prepping in the back?" Leia asked.

Han nodded, "hmmmm...in the front. Guess I missed him...but then who was Santa?"

Leia showed him the photo, " Ben... he got Ben into the costume somehow. And look at this...look how he is staring up at her." She pointed out her sneaky shot. Rey perched on their son's lap, laughing. Ben staring up at her completely entranced beneath the fake beard and bushy hat. Ben couldn't fool the people who birthed him.

"Well shit! That is fucking awesome!" Han chuckled. " Does the girl know? And what is that about anyway...? How would he even...?" Han was inquiring, but had to cease. 

Brother Armitage came in to thank them for helping. 

The children had loved their gifts.

They had sang their little hearts out.

They were polite while she told them one more story before being sent to bed. Rey was feeling so blessed, to be here...to give them this. She hugged each child as they left her company. Brother Armitage wished them goodnight. Each hustled away toting prizes. 

Rey went to her next destination, finding an apron... tying it around her waist. " oh, Janine! I am so glad you found us tonight!" The older woman smiled at Rey, took her food and found a table. 

Anakin saw Rey enter, saw her greeting and taking care of their guests. Kept his distance, preferring his post in the back. He loaded large platters of rolls and refilled the front line carefully. Impressed, she seemed to know all their names... and if there was one she didn't...she introduced herself and made them feel welcome. Inviting them to also stay at the shelter, reminding them the clothes closet still had new thick coats to give out as well as showers available.

She was such a kind soul. He just couldn't say it enough. 

Brother Armitage had not bragged lightly, the girl was truly an example of good in a world of mostly cold. Her interactions with the children were also sincere and refreshing. He hoped Ben got a much needed taste...and wanted more. Saw the opportunity tossed at him, and held on for dear life.

Life was too short to be timid...to be angry... to let yourself drown in the darkest parts of yourself.

He knew...

"are you going to sing to us as well Rey?" asked an old military man. "It would make my night."

"Oh Gary..." Rey blushed.

Others joined in ...finally she nodded.

Anakin watched her step out from behind the table and walk to the tree set up for the meal. "ok, but only one song...I am exhausted from everything we did at the orphange tonight."

The song she chose was a tear-jerker, but also a favorite. They'd asked... she was glad to give. Such a small thing, just a song, it was Christmas...

_"Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water?_

_Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?_

_Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?_

_This child you've delivered, will soon deliver you?"_

Her eyes closed as she belted out, emotion filling every note that graced her lips. Every body in the room still and spellbound.

_"Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?_

_Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hands?_

_Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?_

_When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God?"_

So lost in her song, Rey didn't know others had entered, didn't see the tears at the corners of Leia's creased eyes as she held Han's hand. The tears teasing the edges of other eyes in the room. Anakin's proud smirk. Nor Ben hidden in a far corner yet again, called to where everyone was by the siren he now saw capturing every soul in the place.

_"Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know?_

_Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know?_

_The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again!_

_The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb!_

_Mary did you know that your baby boy is lord of all creation?_

_Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?_

_Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb?_

_That sleeping child you're holding is the great... I ...am?_

_Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know?..."_

Her cheeks glistened with her own tears, without her permission. Her heart fluttered full of great sorrow and joy. The song had always been a favorite when she came on Christmas Eve the last handful of years, it tugged and made people feel. Rey could imagine how overwhelming Mary had to have felt gazing at her gift from heaven, knowing his small form was meant for such amazing and tragic things...

When she carried the final note longer than she expected she nearing collapsed into herself at the effort. Anyone looking could see how deep she was into humanity's weakest and strongest delving. And as she ended it, applause erupted startling her. She giggled and blushed, but humbly bowed. Then returned to her spot to keep working.

Ben was stunned.

Not that he at this point didn't already think she was amazing...and terrifying, but this made him wonder why he questioned his own faith for so long. He cursed fate and the powers that caused his depression, but really he added to his own layers of shadow...darkness... he let himself sink...

Lower...

Lower...

Better into the void you understand... you deserve... than the unknown...

But... was it just as weak to accept his hell ? Not to step into the light?

He could step into hers...? Her light?

What a novel idea, this happy thing...this joy she speaks of so vehemently.

He was this tall, strangled figure facing an angel on Earth! Sharp angles and razor edges wanting to inflict himself on satin... silk! This intangible thing he couldn't label manifesting...she'd created a home in him. When did it happen? How was she this calming within his mental storm? Putting out each fire with a look ...a word... a smile?

"Santa, won't you join us?" Rey spotted him. He could just turn away...and leave?

No... Not an option. He would not pussy out!

He nodded and once he was close, started assisting her.

Fifteen minutes later, once all mouths were occupied, he stood next to her and mustered a shred of dignity, forced himself to speak. "I believe I achieved your Christmas wish... the children went to bed feeling quite loved and very special tonight. Thanks to you and the others here. And your other wish... I believe I took care of it as well, your ...friend... I know for a fact he feels quite special and joy has definitely made him feel the magic here."

He wasn't masking his voice now, not trying to pretend he was his grandfather.

He wanted her to see him.

Hear him.

Ben.

In that moment, Rey glanced around. She noticed Leia and Han... Brother Armitage... and then also a very not dressed like Santa Anakin coming out from the back area kitchen.

"Ben...?" She barely said it. But he heard her say his name. The gut punch of her realizing it was indeed him. That it'd been him out there with the children... with her? That it'd been his lap she'd sat on... that she had told him...?

"you got your wish for me..." he said.

But without answering, Rey ran. 

"Rey!" he called frantically, " wait!"


	20. Facing Yourself, choosing a future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *ok, so this will be the final chapter of my 2019 Christmas tale of exploration. I am excited it’s gotten such great input. Thankyou, I don’t typically write notes like this... but I am grateful for the feedback. As a writer it is terrifying every time I post anything, that putting myself out there thing... baring my soul through fiction with tidbits of myself buried within. I started doing these stories to battle my own bouts of depression, found a safe place and mostly good people to bounce opinions on. I thoroughly enjoy diving into the little universes others create too... some scarier than others.😉 My own list of stories has grown so much, it floors me how diverse my own are in some ways. Some types get more attention than others, some hardly any... but to me it’s a compliment, because I wrote for myself and they touched others... in various ways, feeding very diverse needs. I never expected thousands of hits like some big named writers on A03, but those that have aided in my process... Thankyou! Merry Christmas and blessings in the new year. I’ve faced so many challenges and stresses this year I’m ready for a good one!🥰 Also, encourage each other, never let anyone curb your expression within your own path.* Now...

Rey wasn’t even sure why she ran...

It was him... he came... he saw... he felt!

Exactly what she’d deeply prayed for.

But... those words were given to who she thought was Santa, ...well Anakin as Santa.

  
Safe.

  
Ben wasn’t supposed to hear them... well... yet.

It was unnerving and frightening.

But... Aw! He felt it! The joy... the ...

”Rey!” Ben’s voice trailed her. “Wait! ...please wait!”

Rey turned around the door of the church, out of breath herself... facing an equally struggling mogul wearing a half fallen off beard.

”It’s ok... I’m sorry if you’re freaked out. I didn’t trick you on purpose.” He paused, still panting. “Wheeeeewww, Jesus you’re fucking fast!” 

  
She stifled a small chuckle.

Looking at him like this, he was less monster and more jester...

Less intimidating, more amusing.

”you brought me here, you hinted at me coming. My family wanting the same thing worked out in an unpredictable way...” He pulled off the hat and beard. “Can we maybe go to my suite and sit, talk... really talk. You told me you’d listen when I was ready...”

He had her there. She had.   
  


She nodded, he called a car to take them to The Grand Alderaan. He had no ulterior motives. He just needed to say his piece. Everything in her said to trust him...  
  


Rey had never been in such a place... so shiny and regal. Royal and posh. But it suited the family she’d gotten to know. Despite this... they were humble, kind people who shared their prosperity.   
  


Ben was never a homeless man who needed her help, but he had been poor in other respects...

Money couldn’t buy what he’d needed.

Someone had to give it to him... the rest he had to find it in himself.

The car ride had remained stiff and silent. He had not tried to touch her or talk. As she followed him in, it had been so beautiful, and the dread in her belly of being alone with him this time... she felt sick and stoked at the same all at once.

”make yourself at home Rey, ...drink ?” He offered once inside his massive suite.

She nodded. “Just water please...”

”yes yes, of course...” he hurried and fumbled to fix a glass of ice water.

He observed her as she chose a spot on his huge couch and as she downed the entire glass of water.   
  
Nerves probably, he thought. His own nerves declaring war on him demanding scotch... lots of scotch, but that was not an option ...not an answer. “I am glad I went... I am glad my Papa Ani tricked me into being Santa... and Rey, I’m so glad I heard what your Christmas wish was...”

She studied him. “First... tell me all of it... what you argue about in your head... why you’ve pushed family, everyone away... why I found you in that horrible state that night. You could have died that night Ben... did you even care?”

He swallowed, throat bobbing. “I... let me try to explain, I am probably about to tell you more that anyone... therapists ... mom ...dad ... my Nana Padme was the only one who really knew. I talked to her... you’re a lot like her. Light... pure blinding light...”

He sat for a moment quiet, noticing how she just waited... didn’t push. Just another example of why she was a saint at heart.   
  
“I feel like there’s always been a demon in my head telling me the worst... about myself... about everything... everyone... it left me angry, raging ...I took it out on anyone who dared come close enough. If they got close they might see the cracks... I felt like I was constantly in a state of slipping under the surface of a dark pool. It was so thick it muffled any possible positives ...good things weren’t meant for me... I was awkward, ugly, stupid, just never enough... weak... but honestly, my family was good to me. With the haze removed slightly, I see it... I’ve been terrified and terrible. And no... I didn’t care that night if I had died at the time... I had drank enough to feel nothing... it wasn’t the first or the 100th time... it meant nothing ...I was nothing... but not to you. That night I was worth a moment from you, you gave what little you had to a man you couldn’t know had so much, you gave. I was actually pissed off at first... disgusted that I’d been given charity. That someone thought I was just a dirty penniless sod. But... that kindness took root, despite my need to close off... I invaded your life to find answers... and had to give back...”

She tensed, a tear making its way down her cheek.

He desperately wanted to wipe it away...

”I thought you would like your status changed, money in the bank... no debt... new things... but then you shared it... gave it away... helped others... you couldn’t be selfish and just take it. You came from nothing... struggling through sacrifice and yet you retained compassion for everyone. It knocked the wind from me. I couldn’t fathom such love in a world so cruel... I’ve ignored any light pressing in and chose to pull back into the deepest shadows of myself... I understood pain... happiness was the monster I couldn’t accept. But when you sang... it reawakened the boy who tugged on his Nana’s skirts... who had hope and joy. Then I watched you... the children fed off your infectious jubilation, those helpless and needy felt whole near you, you captured us all... and that request...” Ben rubbed his chin, tightened his fist. “You asked for me to feel loved and special... to feel the magic of that place... for no other reason than just because you hoped I would find some bit of happiness! Well, you got your wish Rey... I do... it scares the shit out of me, but for once the voice is quiet... I feel ... God I feel... I like you! I like how it feels to be close to you! When you kissed me I woke up! Like I’d been dreaming or stuck in a self inflicted nightmare ! I don’t expect anything from you... I swear... I will walk away if that’s what you need, I am a fucking disaster... with a long way to go to fix myself. But I have a sneaking suspicion, my family and Brother Armitage made us face each other tonight... that fate wound it’s will between us... I expect nothing from you... but I have hope!” His own eyes were wet now. His hand itching to reach out.

He had to let her decide.

Rey stared at him. “You said... a lot...” she giggled nervously. “I am relieved you finally could... I was curious and worried. Your fight inside with depression, it doesn’t make you hideous... undesirable... it makes you a human being with a significant issue to face, and you made yourself face it alone... that was stupid you know. Your family wanted to help, they love you. I, can’t use the word love... I don’t love you...”

He felt like he’d been shot straight in the heart. 

  
“but I could...” she added, and he grinned. “I like you Ben, I want to get to know you more. I am not the cure for your depression, but you don’t have to be alone. Nobody does. You are someone with gifts you’ve ignored. I saw how you were with the kids it was special and I think I really want to kiss that man.”

  
And before he could digest those words she’d moved forward and placed her lips on his.

It was serene, trumpets sounded, angels sang...

Such an innocent kiss made him feel on fire.

He wrapped his arms around her gently, coaxing her to deepen the kiss and she let him. A small moan escaped her as he rubbed along her back. As he cradled her head.   
  


She stayed the night, let him hold her. It was priceless in his mind.

She woke him with a peck on his head, petting his hair. 

The following Christmas Ben took part in everything. He was now officially Santa at the office and at the orphanage. His grandfather was glad to pass on the title. The entire family was impressed how changed he really was. 

  
He greeted, he smiled, he worked hard and created good relations with clients. They saw him more... with a new addition of course.

Rey was a fixture.

He no longer lived in his suite at The Grand Alderaan.

They lived in a nice home just outside the city. They moved after their small wedding, performed by Brother Armitage. Barely 6 months. They took the orphans to many outings and added onto the main shelter. Made improvements at the other locations, and the church itself. Rey loved how in involved he was, and was pleasantly surprised by how lovely a singing voice her husband had.

His parents enjoyed spoiling the child they adopted, a sweet little redheaded girl who adored them both and her now parents. She told Ben Santa had really gone all out to give Ms Rey a good Christmas present.

He hugged her and told her Santa gave them all the best gift... her.

Rey pulled back the sheets after putting their little firecracker to bed. “She’s a handful, but she owns my heart...”

”mine too...” he replied.   
  


Rey kissed along his bare chest, she adored how broad he was. He was soft in other ways. He groaned as she ran her hands lower. “Mr. Solo, not too tired I see... I believe you still have another present for me...”

He smirked. “Definitely!” He choked out as she gripped him.

He made her squeak as he flipped her over onto her back and tugged her nightshirt over her head. He was delighted to find no panties to block his intentions. He shoved his own pajama bottoms off hurriedly. “Mmmmm...” 

He spread her wide, but took his time. He kissed and nuzzled along each leg and delicately explored every inch of her inner thighs. Licking slight paths until he reached the center. Rey was panting softly, trying to be still. Until his tongue delved making her cry out. His thumb pressed intense circles into her clit, his favorite pearl. She accused him many times of replacing his thirst for alcohol with her cunt, he didn’t deny it.

Drinking her down was a marvelous hobby. 

  
He left her lower lips to suck happily on his pearl. Making her squirm and letting his fingers invade the warm tiny cave he worshiped.

She whined and giggled. Until he quickened his actions so much that she came screaming into his palm. His face soaked, just how he preferred.

He wanted her feeling like jello before he impaled her. She was so thrilled by what a generous lover he’d turned into.

They’d dated for quite a while before they’d had sex, but the wait had been worth it. They never slept apart after that Christmas Eve, but he was a gentleman.   
  


”I hate ever being away from you, I feel the most at home when I’m inside, you are everything that makes me alive...” He whispered in her ear as he pressed in, sinking slowly... agonizingly just to tease her. Before hitting home and beginning to thrust more quickly. She liked a good mixture of softness and rough play... he was happy to oblige.   
  
As he pistoned in and out of her, snapping his hips, he held one leg over his shoulder to go as deep as he could. She gripped his sides leaving crescent moons with her nails making him groan.   
  
She moaned and convulsed under him as she came undone, but he never slowed until he got another small one from her.   
  


He let himself go...

It was well past midnight and they lazily caressed, kissed. Christmas morning would come quick, but for now...

” I love you Ben... I am so proud of you...” Rey praised. 

  
He laughed. “I love you too”

Rey smacked his stomach. “You’re such a brat...” 

“what?!” He taunted. “I can’t be amused that you’re proud of how well I fucked you tonight?” He said with a teasing wink.

“you know what I meant, dork, you’ve come a long way since last year. I really am proud of you, I’m proud to be here with you as your wife.” Rey hugged him closer.

His head rested over her heart. “ I know ... Thankyou. I am grateful every day... if you hadn’t found me that night...”

”shhhh.... live in the now sweetheart.” She kissed his hair. “How would you feel about adding to our little self made family?”

He raised up, “add?”

She blushed. “Yeah, you created a little Solo... I’m about 9 weeks along...”

”oh fuck Rey that’s just... that so fucking awesome!” He began kissing her face. “I’ve got to tell mom! Dad! Papa Ani! Shit... I really hope our firecracker is ready to be a big sister...” he paused holding his cell phone.

“she is, she asked for a baby... when we were reading last night.” Rey replied.

”She didn’t ask Santa...” Ben stated.

”no, because she knows who’s under the beard. She told me to slip a note to the real Santa... it was precious.” Rey smiled.

Her smile melted him. “ ok... well good, we can tell her when she gets up... I’m thinking Calvin if it’s a boy or Padme if it’s a girl?”

His hopeful face made her chuckle, “ I like both... perfect options. I got your parents ‘grandma and grandpa’ rocks’ mugs for when we go over there later.”

He beamed.

”you are so fucking perfect!” He kissed her deeply before tangling up with her again to attempt sleep before they were awakened for presents.   
  
  


——————————-/——————————

*Joy can be found in such tiny things... every time you smile or offer a kindness you improve the life of someone.* 

*Merry Christmas! Or enjoy celebrating however you wish!🥰🎄😉*

——————————//////————————

*STORY List* as of 1/7/2020

*-my favorites 😉📚🥰

Ghost of a Kiss

**Smacked by Mercy and Grace

**Krampus Met a Girl

Immune to You

For Educational Purposes

*I See Your Horns

Whispers of a Fragile Human Heart(not reylo)

  
Inspire Me Again

Pretty Death Why do You Bow?

Fracturing Her Morality

***Break My Bones

Envious

Between Death and Dying

*Behind His Throne

Sinking Deep

*What’s Found is not Always Lost

Cupid’s Fall

Wrong Door, Right Door

From the Shadows

Reflection Shards

*4 Walls

***Watching Her Wither or Blossom

Christmas Conscious

***In My House Is My Heart

*She Was Hidden in Plain Sight

Dance Another Time

*Drowning or Flying

*Healing Light 


End file.
